Welcoming in ease

One aspect of ADHD for me has been the expectation for everything to be hard. Without all those helpful neurotransmitters my brain grinds away trying to keep up, sometimes overheating, and that's become my normal. I am just now realizing I spend my days with a furrowed brow and eyes wide with an expression of consternation. I walk fast, always. I don't know how to stroll slowly. It's taken me years to lower my shoulders down from around my ears. The answer to every challenge has always been I just have to try harder, and so I overdo things, or I overdo things that don't need so much doing. And because our national religion is Hard Work none of this seems amiss.

Even before I learned about my condition I'd been talking about my need to focus more on working smart rather than working harder. But I couldn't figure out how.

I feel like I'm finally figuring it out. Now, in middle age. I'm discovering ease. I'm learning I don't have to earn my self confidence, which is mind-blowing. That there are all kinds of cognitive techniques that flip the script in my brain. And they're so simple. I'm learning this from my coach, and from meditation, and from having a clear enough head thanks to the L-tyrosine and protein. It's working. I don't know for how long, but it's coming together.

Lately I've been letting my brow relax, letting my eyes soften, and taking the urgency out of my steps. I breathe slowly and welcome in ease, trusting its possibilities.